Stuff My Mum Says

This is my Mum;

That's the "Oh I wish my son wasn't so retarded" look. As you can imagine, I get that look quite alot. I have no idea why.

She is loved far and wide by all that have met her and many that haven't. Everyone takes her side, as, well, she is Da Mommy. Anyways, she has a way with the English Language that no one can match. She says things that she can totally understand, while the rest of us require a "Mommy to English" Dictionary.  For example, the "Wardrobe Movie" was "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe".  My favorite quote from her is "Petulant is just a big word for being an Ass".

She would also put the phrase "___ your ass!" at the end of almost any threat. Such as "I'll Jesus your Ass!!!". How this can happen I'm not sure, but I don't think Jesus will like it.

So I got inspired after a particularly Mummish quote nearly caused me to pee myself with laughter to share these little nuggets of Wisdom with the 3 of you that read this blog.

I'm in my office when she marches and declares "If you don't come help me, I'm going to stand on a stool!".  Now how the hell exactly am I supposed to take that? Threat? Promise? Prophecy? My brain seized up trying to figure it this statement out.  As I looked at her bewilderingly, she finally explained she needed me to come change a light bulb. If I didn't, she would have to get up on a stool to do it.

Now, as these happen, I will share them with you, my faithful reader via my Twitter, and my Facebook, 2 things me Mum has no idea what the hell are.

Here she is with the one she loves the most, Lorna. Her poodle.  Who never mocks her.

Sigh.