The Summer of Contradiction

It was supposed to be the single greatest summer for movies ever!!! I mean, each week we were supposed to get one movie after another that just blew our socks off. Life changing, emotional, magnificent pieces of cinema that would make strong men weep, and women swoon.

Well...its been....kinda boring. Pirates was just more boring than exciting, Spider-Man 3 just was lots of sound and fury, and not much else. And lets not mention Shrek 3 ever again, K?

Fortunately, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (***) actually was very fun, with great effects, and was better than the original. And Ocean's Thirteen (***) was just 2 hours of total fun. This is the movie they should have made rather than that looooooooooongg boring thing they did for the second movie. They looked like they were having fun, and wanted us to come along for the ride.

Then came the shining stars of the summer.



Live Free or Die Hard(****) blew my friggen socks off. I have a serious man crush on Bruce Willis as it is, but this movie took that to full love. Fun, exciting, with magnificent stunt work and a story that just hooks ya from the beginning. Kevin Smith's cameo as a Jedi Hacker totally rocked. Not a dull moment in the whole darn movie. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is McClain's ass kicking daughter, and gets in some great licks. My only complaint is that the bad guy, Tom Olyphant, is just not as charismatic as Alan Rickman, but then who is?





Transformers(****)is my secret shame. When I heard they were doing a live action movie based on toys I just do not get (I mean, why the heck do alien robots from space come all this way to look like a truck?) I was beyond skeptical. Then I saw the trailer, and had that feeling in the pit of my stomach I might be eating some crow. Now that I have seen it? Nope, not some crow, a whole friggen murder of crow. This movie, from beginning to end, was spectacular. I loved the characters, the story, the effects, and that freaken awesome sound they make when they transform is now my ring tone. Shia LaBouf carries this movie, and should be given a huge round of applause. Before this he was only in some tween Disney Comedies, but here really shines. If we don't like his character, we just don't by this movie, and he not only like him, but root for him. Megan Fox, his love interest, is so hot she seems almost like she is made from CGI, but is also is a well rounded character in her own right. Now I know that the robots are all CGI, but WOW. The T-rex in Jurassic Park seems like a child's crayon drawing compared to these guys.

I know your thinking "Hey Christian, what about Ratatouille(**)? You are a Pixar freak, so you loved this, right?" Nope. This movie disappointed me more than any other movie I have seen this summer. I freely admit my huge love of all Pixar movies, and had very high hopes for this movie. All the adds, every trailer I saw made me want to not only see this movie, but want to buy it. The reality is there is just not much here. The characters never develop, and the story, what little their is of it, meanders around with no purpose. It is, however, the most beautiful animated movie I have ever seen. Beyond photo realistic, it makes me want to go to Paris, even though we hate the French and the closest we want to get is the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. And, lets be honest, the whole notion of a rat cooking just skeeves me out.

Well, we still have The Simpson's Movie

A Pirate and an Ogre

Now all 3 of the big movies for the summer have opened, and I have sat through all 8 hours of fun. You want the quick review of the other 2? Rent Shrek and See Pirates.

Thanks!!


Alright, fine. I guess I should be a tad more verbose about those flicks. So, lets start with Shrek the Third (***).

I liked the first one, and really liked the second one. But this one....well...the jokes are just a tad retread. Watching this one, you feel as if you've already seen it. By only seeing the trailers, and the endless advertisements on TV, you can pretty much see the whole movie. The theme of this one? Quick guess....some people don't fit in. That it is what is on the inside that counts. Its just so been there, done that. Part of the problem is that Prince Charming is just not what you would call a quality villain. For these kinds of movies to work, the bad guy has to be at least competent with a plan that has a chance of working. None of that here. So, rent it when it comes out.


Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (***) is the weakest of the trilogy, but still is fun, exciting, with wonderful fight scenes, magnificent sets, great characters, and scenery. The last 45 minutes alone is worth the price of admission. The magnificent battle between The Flying Dutchmen and The Black Pearl is a masterpiece of CG and is an epic battle we haven't seen since the Lord of the Rings. A magnificent battle full of sword fights, a marriage, an unexpected death, and, even more stunning, Captain Jack does the right thing.

The biggest problem is that this movie is just to darn long. They could have cut at least 45 minutes out of this movie and it would have just been fine. The biggest complaint I have read on the Internet has been that ya just can't keep up with the plot. That it just to complex. If they had trimmed 45 minutes off of it, I think that this would have been easily solved. The acting is stellar, and the effects are magnificent, but the damn thing is just to long!

So, now we have Fantastic Four 2, Live Free or Die Hard, and, what may be the best of all,



But we shall see....

Spider-Man 3 ***

When you have a movie as perfect, and as wonderful as Spider-Man 2 (****), it is next to impossible to make a movie that is just as good as it, or, the impossible, to top it. I know the makers of Spidey 3 just wanted to make a good movie and were not thinking this, but come on... That thought has to be on their mind from the first script draft, all they way up the last edit. Its like that older brother who's the star athlete, valedictorian of his high school class-your parents still love you, but always seem like they wonder why you can't be like Chet.

All I can say is that Spidey 3 is no Chet.

But, gosh darnit, it sure does try. The problem is there is just to much here. To many villains, to many twists, to much angst. The better movie would be one that had been much slimmer; one villain, one story. Instead we get 3 villains. First, Harry Osborne comes gunning for Spidey to avenge his father's death, even though everyone in the world but Harry knows that his dad killed himself trying to kill Pete. Then we see the birth of The Sandman. Gotta say, Thomas Hayden Church looks eggzacly like the Flint Marlow from the comics. And the character, when in sand form, is very visually stunning. The problem is that the whole character really is superfluous. Nothing he does advances the plot, and other than giving us a kewl fight sequence at the end with Harry teaming up with Peter, really does nothing for the movie as a whole.

The third villain, Venom, played very well by Topher Grace, seems like he's tacked on. The black suit symbiont that attaches himself to Peter and turns him not really evil, just more of an ass, is never really explained. Its just...there. We see a meteor, then it splotches around until it covers Pete up, making him a new costume. Then he splotches onto Topher, and becomes this large teethed, evil eyed thing. This is the villain that should have taken up all the time that Sandman had. Truthfully, he's on screen maybe 15 minutes total, and it would have been much more dramatic if their had been a tad more buildup.

The great part is that its still just as a beautiful movie as the first one. Its been 4 years since we first beheld the wonder that is Spidey swinging from rooftop to rooftop, and it still kicks as much ass as it did then. As a matter of fact, in this movie, he does moves in the air that just defy logic. One sequence has him jumping from one piece of falling rubble to another trying to swing down and catch a falling Gwen Stacy. Totally wow.

Overall, we have a very enjoyable movie that is visually exciting, with characters we love to see. Great fight scenes, frenetic action, and best of all...Bruce Campbell once again almost steals the whole movie.

Spider-Man 3 gets *** out of 5.

5000 Channels and Just a Couple of Things To Watch

Ya ya, its been awhile. Its not that I don't have anything to blog about, its just that life has gotten in the way

Again.

Anyways, I've seen lots of movies, but none of them actually worth mentioning. Lots of stuff that was okay, but nothing worth telling you to go out and see. Miami Vice, Snakes on a Plane (very fun, but really not worth more than a rental), Fly Boys, Monster House (really disappointed in this one. I was hoping it would knock my socks off and instead was just okay. The animation rocked, and was absolutely gorgeous. Otherwise...Just okay). All in all just okay stuff. Not bad, killed a couple of hours, but nothen to write about. And the stuff I want to see, Clerks II, Beerfest, The Magician none of it has come to my hicktown. So I gotta wait for Netflix to bring me what I want, although with Clerks I will end up buying it when it comes out.

Now, the new television season, on the other hand, I have plenty of things to write about. Lets do this by the day of the week, starting with:

• Sunday: Right now, not much on Sunday worth watching. There's The Simpsons, but that's been on so long that not watching it would be like not drinking Diet Coke It ain't gonna happen. Medium has moved here, but that will be in January after football is over. All the shows on ABC I have no interest in, and on CBS are crime show after crime show that's incredibly depressing. I mean, cry your eyes out keep the sharp objects locked up depressing. UGH.
• Monday: WOW. Let me say that again. WOW. Two stunningly incredible shows on the same night. First is Heroes. Great, great show with wonderful characters and a story that just snatched me up. In it, people all around the world are spontaneously manifesting superpowers. A cheerleader in Texas regenerates from any wound, a painter in New York sees the future, and, my favorite, a nebbish dude from Tokyo seems to be able to bend space and time. I cannot wait to see more of this. Next comes Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Aaron Sorken is the Genius behind West Wing and is really at his best here. A fictionalized show about a SNL type program that shows what goes on behind the scenes. Snappy dialogue, great characters, and some of the best acting on TV. Most suprising is Mathew Perry, who plays the head writer. You would think he would forever be Chandler from Friends, but here gives a performance totally different from what we have seen before. Funny, smart, and not stupid. Something rare on TV for sure. TIVO THIS!! But, what's kewl is that NBC is offering these episodes on their website for free. So if you miss it (and shame on you), then you can watch it there for free! UPDATE: My friend Nikki reminded that Two and a Half Men is on Monday, and probably funnier than Earl. She is totally correct. Charlie Sheen might be a total nutjob, but he is great on this show. I also love Berta the housekeeper, and the kid on that show practically steals it.
  
• Tuesday: Well, I am a huge fan of NCIS, couldn't wait to see how last season's finale was going to be resolved. So far, its ongoing, but very enjoyable. House continues to be one of my absolutely favorites shows ever. Truthfully, he is me...But with less of a filter. The medical mysteries are kewl, but we all come back cause of House. Oh, and the hottie on his staff, Cameron, and his equally hot boss, Cuddie are 2 major reasons to watch. The best new show on Tuesday is Standoff. Ron Livingston, from Office Space fame, plays an FBI negotiator. He's also having a relationship with his partner, which does complicate things. She's hot, and smart, and almost makes me forget Dana Scully. I said, almost. Kewl show, a must TIVO.
  
• Wednesday: There are too many freaken shows on Wednesday. Sheesh. Lets see, we have returning shows Criminal Minds (I would watch Mandy Patinken do sock puppet theatre), Bones (Pretty much one of the most disgusting shows on TV [This weeks show had a dude melting drano. Ugh], but I love Temperance), CSI New York, and, most importantly, Lost. Truly, if your not watching Lost, your not only missing out on a great show, with wonderful characters and a totally intoxicating plot, but a true cultural phenomenon. The entire run is out on DVD, so you have no excuse. Of the new shows, The Nine, looks the most promising. Jericho did nothing for me. I didn't like the characters, and we have seen this end of the world thing one to many times. After 2 episodes, it was off my TIVO. The same for Justice. Ugh. Boring, on top of really lame characters. The only thing going for this show is the end where they reveal whether or not the defendant was guilty or not. Skip it.
• Thursday: Again, way way to many shows on here. We love CSI. The original is the best, as well as taking place in my most favorite place in the world, Las Vegas. The 2 new shows have showcased Catherine more than the others, and set up this whacked out mystery involving the death of a rock star that included an exact scaled down replica of the murder scene left at the site. We haven't had a multi arc story like this in a while on CSI, and I am glad its backed. My Name is Earl continues to be the funniest sitcom on TV, unlike the two on Fox that are on opposite of it. Totally unfunny wastes of time. I won't even say their names. Gray's Anatomy is a totally guilty pleasure, but I absolutely love this show. My hear hurt sooo much for Izzie when Denny died, I almost could not take it. Again, another show totally worth finding on DVD and falling in love with. Smallville and Supernatural are back on the terribly named CW channel, whatever the hell CW stands for. Being the Superman freak that I am, I am totally obsessed with Smallville. I won't bore you with the details, but some of the hottest women on TV are on this show. I am totally in love with Erica Durance, who plays Lois Lane. I want to have her babies. As for new shows, 6 Degrees was okay, I will wait till I see a couple of more episodes before I make up my mind, but I was expecting more from this show, as it is JJ Abrahms, or Mr. Lost as we call him. We will see. Survivor has been voted off the island. I just don't care anymore.
  
• Friday: Absolutely nothing is on Friday right now. As soon as Las Vegas comes back we will have something to watch. The only saving grace is Battlestar Galactica on SciFi. Seriously the best show on television right now. I am breathless to see what happens to whets left of humanity. The webisodes. they have been showing on SciFi.com are cruel. Just a freaken tease. Another show totally out on DVD, downloadable from Itunes, or rentable from Netflix. Oh, and Dr. Who, totally rocks. I have been a fan of this show forever, and the new episodes are great. This new season has a new Doctor, but Billy Piper is still there as his partner. I think she and I would have pretty babys.
  
• Saturdays: This is the day we catch up on our Netflixed movies. NOTHING is on this night. I mean NOTHING. Sheesh. They might as well turn off TV.
  

Welp, hope that helps. We also get new South Park starting this week, so that gives us one more thing to live for. Its not much, but what the hell.

Superman

Alright, alright...so its been awhile. I get...lazy, and don't blog. I apologize profusely.

But...let me tell you about the best movie I have seen in some time. One disclaimer before I start in on this wonderful movie. Yes, it is about Superman (****),and yes, I am a huuuuuuge Superman Freak. The first comic I ever bought with my own money was a Superman comic when I was 6 years old. He is my hero. But, that being said, if this movie had suxed, I would have torn it a new one because of my love for Supes. Just cause I love him does not mean I love all things with his name on it.

Flash back to 1987. We get the abortion known as Superman and the Search for Peace(-100000 stars). Basically its about Superman destroying all the nuclear weapons, and in the process creating his arch nemisis, Glowy Gold Guy. I think thats what his name was, I don't remember, as the trauma of the movie made me forget. It was poorly written, poorly acted, was edited by a dylexic drunk monkey (actually, that would have been better), and killed Superman as a franchise for years to come. This movie so so bad, ITS NOT AVAILIBLE ON DVD. I think its what actually killed Christ Reeve and made Margot Kidder Crazy. UGH UGH UGH.

19 years later, we are redeemed. Superman Returns is the direct sequal to Superman II (***). After fighting Zod, Supes travels into space to see if he can find any remnants of his home planet Krypton. He returns five years later to an earth that has moved on. Lois Lane (played glowingly by Kate Bosworth), his love, has moved on and had has a son with another man. He struggles to find his place in this world, and wonders if he even has one.

Something that hasn't changed is his Arch Rival, Lex Luthor (magnificently done by Kevin Spacey). Lex has weasled his way out of prison and stolen an old womans fortune to finally get his dream...Lexland. To do this, he travels to the north and steals the crystals from Supes' Fortress of Solitude, and creates a plot to grow a new continent that will be all his. Parker Posey plays Lex's....um...well girlfriend would mean he had feelings for her...so...female henchwoman? And is totally underused, but when she is, its wonderful.

Beyond that, this one of the best shot movies I have seen in some time. Incredible action sequences with Superman saving the shuttle kept me on the edge of my seat. In 1977 when the first one came out, the tag was "You will believe a man can fly"...here, you not only believe can fly, but you wish you could as well. All through the movie are homages to the original movies, from the same font used in the opening credits, to the use of dialouge directly from the movies. Most importanly, the Superman theme created by the genius that is John Williams is here, and added to. Without that, it would not have worked. Bryan Singer, who redeemed comic book heros with his Xmen and Xmen 2, knows what he is doing, and does it very very well here. I was in love with this movie from the start.

What I cannot wait for is to see it in Imax 3d, which I will when i go to Vegas Next week. YES!!!

My advice on the Movies

I used to do this all the time, then things got complicated. I went to back to school for a year, and all the things with my Dad got in the way. So, as part of my new founded blogging, I will give you my 2 cents on whats currently in the theatres. I've seen everything important, as I go to the movies for work. It also give my Mom a couple of hours when she doesn have to remember whats goen on in her life.

There are three categories: See It Now, Rent It Later, and Avoid at all Costs.

See It Now:
Over the Hedge (***.5) One of the single funniest movies I have seen in a long, long time. Great voice acting by Bruce Willis and Gary Shandling, and some amazing animation. Almost Pixar level. Definately not just for kids.

Prairie Home Companion (****) Just one of the warmest, nicest movies i have ever seen. Great music, lots of laughs, and a good movie with wonderful characters. A wonderful ensamble cast that lets everyone shine.

Cars (***.5) I love love love Pixar movies, and i am soooooo glad that Disney bought them. This is another great movie from them. It is beautiful, making you almost think that it was computers, but actual cars. Wonderful story, that doesn't exactly end like you thought it would. The best thing about Pixar movies is that they are for all ages, not just kids. Those of us older than 10 definately get something out of it. And, make sure you stay all the way throught the credits, as well as read the credits. Some very kewl stuff here.

XMen: The Last Stand (***) A good ending to this trilogy of films. I liked the second one the best, but this focuses more on the characters than the others. The best part is that it does not follow any of the comics, but builds a new story for these characters. Now, I need the Wolverine movie, soon.

Mission: Impossible III (***.5) Much, much better than the second one, but then again I ain't much of a fan of John Woo. Way to dramatic for my tastes. Instead JJ Abrams, of Lost and Alias fame, gives a good story with some great action sequences. Don't get me wrong, Tom Cruise is a certifiable crazy man, but I could put that aside to enjoy this movie. And it certainly does not hurt to have a great bad guy in Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Way creepy dude.

United 93 (****) A powerful movie that everyone should see. I did not want to at first, but i am very glad that I did. A moving portrayel of the passengers of that flight that rose up and stopped those madmen from using their flight as a weapon. What was suprising about the movie was the portrayels of those on the ground, the unsung heros in the flight control booths that tried to bring order to the madness that was happening around them. The actual Flight Control agents on duty that day portray themselves, which brings a resonance to the movie. This is the ONLY 9/11 movie that has had 100 % support of the families involved, as the producers of the movie went to these people and got their permision to make this film. See it.


Rent it Later:

The Da Vinci Code (***) Well, it was better than the book. I think Tom Hanks and Ron Howard tried to do what they could with this less that steller material, but in the end its kinda blah. And, in my humble opinion, the only reason it made a gagillion dollers so far is because idiots, who haven't seen the movie, are protesting it. The moment you do that, you pretty sure can bet whatever is being protested will be huge.

Poseidon (**) Well...it has some really great special effects. And some awesome action sequences. But the problem is I don't care if these people die or not. You never get to know them well enough to actually like or dislike them. But, it is worth watching for the wave sequence alone.


Avoid at all Costs:

The Break up (*) I go to the movies to get away from reality, not to watch it. This is the single most uncomfortable movie I have tried to watch in some time. Its not funny enough to endure, nor sad enough to emote with. UGH.


But This...This is what we are waiting for: