I'm trying to get into the swing of blogging everyday

John Franklin Germany 1944-2006

But life keeps intervening. Most who have read this blog know that I lost my father on April 8. He was in the hospital while I was on vacation, which is why I never got around to finishing it. The fun of it was just sucked out as I was worrying about what was going on at home. He lasted a week after I got back, but slipped away from us at 3:30 on Saturday morning.

Since then its just been trying to maintain some kind of normality. Making the arraignments, dealing with all the family and friends, and then the service itself. We had him cremated, as was his wish, so we had a small memorial service instead. I gave the eulogy at it, again as he wished. He always hated those eulogies where the minister got up there and went on and on about how wonderful the deceased was, but had never met them. That's one reason I have always hated funerals, feeling they were a waste of time and money cause of the uselessness of them. So I did what my father wanted, and gave a final goodbye to him in a way that truly summed up his life. Or so I tried. I have gotten rave reviews on it, and I am happy everyone liked it. I just tried to do my father proud.

Since then, I have just tried to get by. To go through each day without killing someone. There are days when I just do not want to get out of bed. Days when it seems that life is just not fun anymore. The worse is when my Mom breaks down because something reminds her he's not here. The other day it was a lady in the store commenting on how wonderful this Father's day card was, and it reminded her we won't be celebrating that this year. So I do everything in my power to make sure those episodes are far and few between. I hate that I can't do more, that she is suffering so much.

The reality is that we have been preparing for this for over 5 years. My dad's health has never been that robust since he had full heart valve replacement surgery in 1990, but he really fell apart the last few years. One thing after another just stopped working. He got a pacemaker about 3 years ago, which seemed to solve many of his problems, but another valve on his heart gave out and had to be replaced. His cardiology, a very kind man, told my mom about how sorry he was that he couldn't save pop this last time. We reminded him that he had given us another year and a half with him by doing that last surgery. Without it, we wouldn't have had another Birthday, or Father's day, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas.

Anyways.... The real reason I started this blog was to get back in the habit of writing. Like anything, you have to keep doing it or you get flabby, and I am kinda flabby intellectually right now. So, every night before I go to bed, I am going to take a few minutes to write my thoughts for the day. If anyone reads it, sweet. If not, then this is what it is, a way for me to express myself. I will review movies again, and I will do it in a timely manner. Or as timely as a lazy bastard as me can be. LOL